Motherhood, and the gentle art of slowing down

I think my journey into slowing down began when I became a mother. 14 years ago, after the birth of my daughter, I can remember settling into this gentler pace of living, without the daily commute and 13 hour shifts. Yes, there were a lot of small tasks during the day, feeds and nappy changes and the like, but there was also this stillness, this slowing down to just do the things that mattered, and let everything else fall away.

I saw lots of other new mums around me scheduling many classes for them and their babies, going from one activity to another. While this may suit some people’s temperaments, and I did do a couple of groups, went swimming with a friend and her baby, but mostly I loved to walk. Those long walks with a new baby are the best, the silent yet powerful eye contact, exploring new parts of your neighbourhood, hidden parks. Nowhere to go except to just walk, no other agenda than this. Alone, and yet not quite alone. You and your new baby, just enjoying the walk.

And now we are home educating, and both children are at home a lot, we are in the privileged position of having all this time to spend together. I notice my son (almost 6) doing new things every week, just the little things like being able to say a more complicated sentence tell a new story. I notice my 14yr old daughter maturing into a beautiful young woman, becoming more politically and socially aware each day. And while it’s not always as idyllic as perhaps I’ve painted here, what we are lucky to have is the gift of slow. Our schedules have enough activities, but not too many. Enough time with friends but also time for nature walks in the woods, reading books, talking about ideas, time for the good things in life. We can go at our own pace. If we feel like having a week off, then we can. If one of us feels a bit under the weather, we can have a duvet day. We try to have as many meals around the table together as we can, chatting about our plans or what we’ve been reading about.

And yes, there is bickering, arguing, and days when it’s not going to plan. But on those days, I try to step back and see the bigger picture, to see the gift of this slower paced lifestyle that we are so lucky to have.

Could you go TV-free?

At the end of a stressful day, many of us love to lie back and zone out with our favourite shows. Switching on at the end of the day can become habitual, rather than doing it because we genuinely want to watch something. With the advent of streaming services, this has become another form of extreme consumption, with many people “binge-watching” whole boxsets of shows in a weekend. The old way of watching one episode a week of your favourite series, ending on a cliffhanger and having to wait a whole 7 days to find out what happens next is dead. Yes there is more choice now, but is that necessarily a good thing?

Research shows that binge-watching is bad for our health, interfering with sleep by preventing our brains from truly winding down before bed. Over time, this reduces our immune systems, and increases our risk of diabetes, cancer and heart disease.

When our TV broke about a year ago, we decided not to replace it. Our youngest child, who was 4 at the time, went through a 5-day withdrawal period where he asked for the TV constantly. But after that, he stopped. Gradually, he is learning the art of providing his own entertainment, rather than sitting passively in front of a stream of images (and often adverts for more stuff, which we are actively trying to reduce). He does watch a film of his choosing once a week (on the laptop), on a Sunday, which has become a special treat, rather than the daily exposure of before. He seems happy with this now, and never asks to watch anything else during the week, he loves looking forward to “Sunday Film Day”.

Some days I do miss that hour towards the end of the day, while trying to cook dinner, when small children are tired, when we used to put the TV on. But mostly I don’t miss it at all. My son listens to more audiobooks instead of watching stuff, and enjoys his Sunday Film Day. I am reading more books than ever, and also have some favourite podcasts. I have been catching up with crochet and knitting projects, and enjoying a good conversation or two. I do occasionally watch a programme, but I’m much more selective about what I choose to consume.

Could you go TV-free?