Motherhood, and the gentle art of slowing down

I think my journey into slowing down began when I became a mother. 14 years ago, after the birth of my daughter, I can remember settling into this gentler pace of living, without the daily commute and 13 hour shifts. Yes, there were a lot of small tasks during the day, feeds and nappy changes and the like, but there was also this stillness, this slowing down to just do the things that mattered, and let everything else fall away.

I saw lots of other new mums around me scheduling many classes for them and their babies, going from one activity to another. While this may suit some people’s temperaments, and I did do a couple of groups, went swimming with a friend and her baby, but mostly I loved to walk. Those long walks with a new baby are the best, the silent yet powerful eye contact, exploring new parts of your neighbourhood, hidden parks. Nowhere to go except to just walk, no other agenda than this. Alone, and yet not quite alone. You and your new baby, just enjoying the walk.

And now we are home educating, and both children are at home a lot, we are in the privileged position of having all this time to spend together. I notice my son (almost 6) doing new things every week, just the little things like being able to say a more complicated sentence tell a new story. I notice my 14yr old daughter maturing into a beautiful young woman, becoming more politically and socially aware each day. And while it’s not always as idyllic as perhaps I’ve painted here, what we are lucky to have is the gift of slow. Our schedules have enough activities, but not too many. Enough time with friends but also time for nature walks in the woods, reading books, talking about ideas, time for the good things in life. We can go at our own pace. If we feel like having a week off, then we can. If one of us feels a bit under the weather, we can have a duvet day. We try to have as many meals around the table together as we can, chatting about our plans or what we’ve been reading about.

And yes, there is bickering, arguing, and days when it’s not going to plan. But on those days, I try to step back and see the bigger picture, to see the gift of this slower paced lifestyle that we are so lucky to have.

Enforced Slowing Down

I haven’t been posting quite as regularly as I’d have liked on here recently…I had major surgery 6 weeks ago, which, whilst obviously presenting its own challenges, has been a good exercise in Enforced Slowing Down. I’ve not been able to walk very far very comfortably, so have spent a ton of time on the sofa. I’m definitely one of life’s “do-ers”, so sitting still for too long isn’t my natural state of being. Whilst also discovering I’ve got an incredibly low boredom threshold, I’ve also had the time and space to get back into some much-neglected hobbies.

Rebecca of the Minimalism, My Way blog recently posted about her return to hobbies. She writes that hobbies make us who we are, and if we don’t make time for them, we aren’t making time for ourselves. Slowing down and simplifying our lives should, in theory, free up time and space for the things that we love, rather than those things that we have to do.

But what stops us from doing those things? Often we allow other stuff to fill the time – TV, chores, etc. Perhaps we feel guilty for indulging ourselves in seemingly frivolous pursuits with no end goal in sight, something that wasn’t on our to-do list. However, if we find the time for hobbies, we can actually improve our health – lowering heart rate and stress levels.

During my ongoing recovery period, I’ve read a ton of books (including Pride and Prejuduice, which I had always meant to read but never quite got around to). I’ve picked up a couple of crochet and knitting projects which had fallen by the wayside, and now I’m a bit more mobile have sat at the sewing machine and started a new project there. I also love photography, but haven’t been able to get out for many walks yet, hopefully that is coming soon.

How do you like to spend your hobby-time? Can you allow yourself that time just for you and an activity you love?

Book Review: In Praise of Slow – How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed (by Carl Honore)

This is the book that started it all, that coined the term the “Slow Movement”. Prior to that, there had been the Slow Food movement in Italy spreading out to other places, and other groups attempting to slow down particular facets of their lives. Carl Honore does a great job of pulling all of those slow strands together, showing us what slow living is, and also what it is not.

In an expanded version of his popular TED talk, Honore challenges the common assumption that faster is better. He argues that every person and activity has its own “tempo giusto” or inherent speed. When we take the time to cook our food from scratch, with seasonal ingredients, for instance, and enjoy it with family or friends, it not only tastes better but also has the potential to become a happy memory, an experience worth having. This does not necessarily mean slaving away for hours in the kitchen, slow cooking everything; it is possible to quickly cook a slow meal. The main ingredients for it to be “slow food” are respect for the environment in producing the ingredients, taste and community.

The book covers the reaches of the Slow Movement from sex and relationships, slow cities, exercise, alternative medicine and parenting. Whatever the context, the ethos is the same: faster is not necessarily better. Honore does not disregard the fast, he himself plays ice hockey, a fairly fast-paced sport. What he does point out is that one cannot live life at that pace all of the time, there must be balance. Choosing a slower pace does not mean moving at the speed of a snail, but rather bringing some intentionality to what we are doing, and taking the time to enjoy it.

The sections on slow parenting, home education and reducing working hours really spoke to me. I have only ever worked part time since having my daughter almost 14yrs ago, a choice that was not that common among my (almost exclusively female) colleagues. I often felt like a square peg, but knew deep down that I valued being at home more than increasing my salary, so much so that after I had my son 5yrs ago, I gave up working and started home educating. This afforded us a much slower pace of life, and whilst I had never been one for over – scheduling kids’ activities, we could now really live at our own pace, finding delight in those activities we chose to participate in.

Living a slow, intentional life can at times feel like swimming against the tide. I enjoyed reading about the various worldwide groups that are choosing to life differently: the Sloth Club and the Society for the Deceleration of Time, as well as the various worldwide Slow Food groups.

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.

What exactly is slow and simple living?

We hear these terms “slow living” and “simple living”, but what exactly do they mean?

The idea of slow living began with food, and was sparked as a reaction against the fast food industry, preferring instead eating seasonally, organically produced traditional meals. This spread from a love for slow food (home-cooked from scratch, with love and attention) to all areas of life, and featured in Carl Honore’s book In Praise of Slow, the first place where the term “Slow Movement” was coined. This doesn’t mean we do everything at a snail’s pace, but rather we bring intentionality to our actions, preferring quality over speed. Carl is also passionate about the role of community in slow living, getting to know the person who works at the farmer’s market selling you your seasonal veg, knowing your neighbours, etc.

This has spread out to all areas of life, from parenting to fashion, from travel to how we manage our money. People are reacting against the fast pace of modern life, and choosing to slow down and value what they have, rather than mindlessly consuming. More and more people are choosing to live life at a different pace, enjoying the quality of their experiences, rather than passively going from one thing to the next on life’s treadmill, feeling that we have to keep up with the Joneses.

Slow fashion is a reaction against the ugly world of fast high-street fashion, which relies on sweatshops and unethical practices and a throw-away attitude to “out of fashion” clothing. Slow fashion might mean making your own clothes from scratch, or choosing to buy from an ethical producer, one who considers the environment in their manufacturing methods, giving a fair deal to the producers and buyers alike. It might mean having a capsule wardrobe, of your own style, rather than keeping up with seasonal fashion trends.

Related to slow living is simple living, which means choosing to live with less. This often takes the form of minimalism, not hoarding tons of unnecessary stuff, decluttering and only having what you really need. Minimalism does not necessarily mean you live in an empty home, but that you only have what you truly need and actually use. Marie Kondo (author of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up) says we should keep only what sparks joy, and has a systematic plan for decluttering every area of your home.

Again, this can extend to all areas of life, from technology (clearing your inbox each day, going TV-free), your work-life balance and how much time you choose to spend at work, downsizing your home and becoming more environmentally aware. The whole zero-waste movement is a massive step towards simple living in terms of leaving a lighter footprint upon the earth through reducing food waste and plastic packaging, or choosing to make your own beauty or kitchen cleaning products.

The main thing to take away is that there is no “one size fits all” way of slowing down and simplifying your life, it looks different for different people. Someone with children will have more stuff in their home than someone without kids, that’s a fact. One person may love the look of an almost-empty room, whereas someone else may have some carefully chosen and much-loved artwork and ornaments around. I personally don’t go for many ornaments around the home, as it’s just another thing to dust! Rather than letting slow and simple living become another form of keeping up with the Joneses, how could you bring more intentionality and quality to your everyday life?

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.