Start saying NO
A recent article in the Guardian newspaper linked not feeling able to say no with feelings of being too busy. Saying yes to things we don’t really want to do can leave us feeling resentful, angry and depleted. And an inability to say no ends up with us taking on too much both at work and in our personal lives, leading to feelings of being unable to get off life’s treadmill, and eventually burnout.
Writer and entrepreneur James Altucher devised the 5/25 formula for what we should say yes to. He advises writing a list of the top 25 things that you want to do in life, from writing a novel to travelling to India. Then cream off the top 5, and never look at the bottom 20 again. Focus your efforts on these 5 things, and say yes to anything that relates to them, saying no to everything else.
However, whilst this might be useful for keeping you focused on your goals, I personally prefer saying no in accordance with your core values. It might take time to work out exactly what these are, but once you have a sense of what’s really important to you, saying no to things that aren’t a good fit becomes easier. Taking time to reflect on the qualities you value, both in yourself and others, will help you to clarify when you should be saying yes, and also will give you permission to say no. For instance, if you value integrity, then saying yes when you mean no goes against that and will leave you feeling dissatisfied and resentful.
Swap FOMO for JOMO
One of the reasons people say yes to too much is because of a Fear Of Missing Out, which can cause us to say yes to invitations to events we don’t really want to attend, or end up scrolling through social media to see what everyone else is up to.
Instead of worrying about what they’re missing out on, many people are now consciously choosing to stay in and doing activities they really enjoy, perhaps alone or with a special person, rather than saying yes to drinks after work with people they don’t really like.
Be more mindful
Taking a few minutes to just focus on the breath at the start and end of each day can help to ground you, and help you to feel less scattered when there are lots of competing demands. Bring some mindfulness into your everyday life by really being present. Instead of checking Facebook on your phone when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, you could try feeling the ground beneath your feet, the sensations of the cup in your hand, the noise of the kettle as it meets your ears. Being more present, instead of spending the whole time worrying about the future, or the past, can help create more space in your day. Once you start believing that self-care is important, and a priority, you can start allowing more of it into your life.
And maybe experiment with doing nothing – turn off the phone, put your book away and just sit. See what happens, even if you can only manage a minute. You will see that you are never really ‘doing nothing’, there is always something going on – the breath, the thoughts.
Take a nap
One way to recharge your batteries if you’re feeling stressed is to take a nap. Backed by neuroscience, taking a nap can improve your concentration, memory and creativity. Instead of fighting the 3pm slump with another coffee or the sense that you’re in combat with your body’s needs, try downing tools and setting your alarm for 20 minutes.
If you’re at work, and think that having a nap just isn’t practical, some employers are even installing “nap rooms” into the workplace, recognising the benefits of a few Zs on productivity and creativity.
Swap your to-do list for a done-list
Whilst some people like to list every small thing they need to do each day, others find this crippling. Apparently 41% of items on to-do lists never get done. Perhaps the answer is paring back your to-do list down to the bare essentials, say three things, or even one thing, that you really must get done. Or turn things upside-down and create a Done list, listing your daily accomplishments (which creates a sense of mastery). This can actually increase productivity by fuelling your motivation, rather than by crushing it by seeing all the things you’ve yet to achieve.