saying no – Slow and simple living

The silly season is upon us. At this time of year, it is easy to get swept up in consumerism and too much ‘doing’. Here are some hacks to keep things simple and prevent overwhelm this holiday season.

1: Remember your core values

If you’re really clear about your core values in life, i.e. what’s important and what’s not important, it is much easier to keep on track with a slower paced simple lifestyle. For instance, if some kind of minimalism or low-waste lifestyle is important to you, it’s easier not to get caught up in buying too much Stuff. I’ll do a post in the new year about working out what your core values are.

2: Don’t be afraid to say no

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it’s OK to say no to the work Christmas party, just because everyone else is going. JOMO not FOMO! Only say yes to things you really want to attend, to connect with friends and build deeper relationships. If an invitation doesn’t fulfil you or sound like fun, then it’s totally OK to say no.

3: Keep gift-giving simple

As aspiring minimalists, we are doing 4 gifts for Christmas this year for the kids:

You don’t have to stick to this rule if it doesn’t work for you, but it can help to keep to keep things simple and avoid the often mindless excesses of the festive season. Also, if you’re buying fewer gifts per child, you can afford to spend that little bit more on that something special that they really want and that will actually get used.

4: Say yes

Once you’ve said no to invitations you don’t want to attend, definitely say yes to other experiences and connections with friends. Rather than giving gifts to friends and accumulating more Stuff, suggest in-person meet ups or shared experiences.

5: Start early

You know Christmas is coming, and a certain amount of extra ‘doing’ can’t be avoided. Trying to start early to avoid last-minute stress. Planning is your friend, here. You can’t start too early, especially if you want to make your own cards or gifts which can be time-consuming. Allowing plenty of time will keep things low-stress.

6: Keep things simple on the big day

Rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses or going all-out for excess which can lead to feeling burnt-out and depleted, keep things as simple as possible. You don’t have to cook a seven course meal with different wine matched to each course to have a great Christmas. A nice yet simple meal done well will allow you less time in the kitchen and more time to connect with family and to relax.

7: Make time for family traditions and rituals

Apparently in Iceland, it is a tradition on Christmas Eve to give books to loved ones, and then to spend the rest of the night reading in bed eating chocolate! We like to have a walk on Christmas Day, after our lunch, and have had some memorable ones – one year we walked across Ditchling Beacon (the highest point in Sussex) in a howling gale whilst playing “What’s the Time, Mr. Wolf”. Perhaps you make the same Christmas muffins every year for breakfast, or play the same festive music while you make your own decorations. Create your own family traditions, creating memories and connection.

8: Try a little mindfulness

Times when we’re completely present become future memories, so however crazy things get, try to come back to the current moment, perhaps using the breath as an anchor. Feel your feet on the ground, and be truly present with whatever you’re doing, be it unwrapping a gift or cooking the Christmas lunch. Even just a few deep breaths will help to centre you, and will prevent overwhelm.

9: Come back to your ‘why’

If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, come back to your ‘why’, the reason you’re doing it. If you’re in tune with your core values, and know what your intention is for the festive season (perhaps to rest, or connection with loved ones), then coming back to that can help to ground you and allow you to recognise when things are getting too much.

10: Get some perspective

Remember, Christmas is only one day of the year. Come back to what’s important, forget everything else and you’ll have a great time.

How do you keep things simple around the festive season?

Start saying NO

A recent article in the Guardian newspaper linked not feeling able to say no with feelings of being too busy. Saying yes to things we don’t really want to do can leave us feeling resentful, angry and depleted. And an inability to say no ends up with us taking on too much both at work and in our personal lives, leading to feelings of being unable to get off life’s treadmill, and eventually burnout.

Writer and entrepreneur James Altucher devised the 5/25 formula for what we should say yes to. He advises writing a list of the top 25 things that you want to do in life, from writing a novel to travelling to India. Then cream off the top 5, and never look at the bottom 20 again. Focus your efforts on these 5 things, and say yes to anything that relates to them, saying no to everything else.

However, whilst this might be useful for keeping you focused on your goals, I personally prefer saying no in accordance with your core values. It might take time to work out exactly what these are, but once you have a sense of what’s really important to you, saying no to things that aren’t a good fit becomes easier. Taking time to reflect on the qualities you value, both in yourself and others, will help you to clarify when you should be saying yes, and also will give you permission to say no. For instance, if you value integrity, then saying yes when you mean no goes against that and will leave you feeling dissatisfied and resentful.

Swap FOMO for JOMO

One of the reasons people say yes to too much is because of a Fear Of Missing Out, which can cause us to say yes to invitations to events we don’t really want to attend, or end up scrolling through social media to see what everyone else is up to.

Instead of worrying about what they’re missing out on, many people are now consciously choosing to stay in and doing activities they really enjoy, perhaps alone or with a special person, rather than saying yes to drinks after work with people they don’t really like.

Be more mindful

Taking a few minutes to just focus on the breath at the start and end of each day can help to ground you, and help you to feel less scattered when there are lots of competing demands. Bring some mindfulness into your everyday life by really being present. Instead of checking Facebook on your phone when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, you could try feeling the ground beneath your feet, the sensations of the cup in your hand, the noise of the kettle as it meets your ears. Being more present, instead of spending the whole time worrying about the future, or the past, can help create more space in your day. Once you start believing that self-care is important, and a priority, you can start allowing more of it into your life.

And maybe experiment with doing nothing – turn off the phone, put your book away and just sit. See what happens, even if you can only manage a minute. You will see that you are never really ‘doing nothing’, there is always something going on – the breath, the thoughts.

Take a nap

One way to recharge your batteries if you’re feeling stressed is to take a nap. Backed by neuroscience, taking a nap can improve your concentration, memory and creativity. Instead of fighting the 3pm slump with another coffee or the sense that you’re in combat with your body’s needs, try downing tools and setting your alarm for 20 minutes.

If you’re at work, and think that having a nap just isn’t practical, some employers are even installing “nap rooms” into the workplace, recognising the benefits of a few Zs on productivity and creativity.

Swap your to-do list for a done-list

Whilst some people like to list every small thing they need to do each day, others find this crippling. Apparently 41% of items on to-do lists never get done. Perhaps the answer is paring back your to-do list down to the bare essentials, say three things, or even one thing, that you really must get done. Or turn things upside-down and create a Done list, listing your daily accomplishments (which creates a sense of mastery). This can actually increase productivity by fuelling your motivation, rather than by crushing it by seeing all the things you’ve yet to achieve.

Tag: saying no

10 hacks for a slower, simpler festive season